Learning The Languages Of Love

Learning the languages of Love


As you will know by now I am a strong Christian and a father of 4 kids.  My wife, Jenna, has put up with me now for over 16 years and I am blessed that she hasn’t given up on me.

We discovered the book The 5 love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman a few years ago and it changed our relationship.

It made us more intentional about our whole relationship, and to be honest our relationships with those around us.

Let’s start with what you really need to know. The 5 languages and what they mean

  1. Physical touch. 

You feel most loved or connected to others with a hug or handshake.  Sometimes youngsters rough house if their primary language is physical touch.

  1. Words of affirmation. 

when others tell you how much you mean to them. Or talk to you about how much they appreciate you.  

A great example is when your spouse does the dishes and you say, “I really appreciated you washing the dishes tonight.”

  1. Gifts. 

This is when you genuinely feel loved by a gift that someone has given you.  It doesn’t matter the cost of the gift.  It could be a flower picked, a gift card, or simply a hamade jam.  

Again, the cost isn’t important, it’s when you receive a gift and you truly feel like that the other person appreciates you.

  1. Acts of service. 

When someone does something nice for you.  

Like folding the laundry, or grabbing your papers from the printer and bringing them to you.  

It doesn’t mean that they do everything for you, just a simple act of service and you feel appreciated.

  1. Quality time.  

As you might have guessed this one is when you spend quality time with others. Not time in the same room on different devices but actual quality time talking to each other.

After we both read the book we changed how we were acting toward each other.  We were now intentional with our actions.  Since I know that my wife’s primary language is quality time, we go for more walks.  I take time to put my phone down and shut the computer off when she comes to see me.

Since she knows that my primary language is physical touch, she takes more time to simply hold my hand or rub my arm. 

The main point that I am making is that when we are intentional with our actions and thoughts it’s amazing how much progress we can make in a short amount of time.

Now that we are speaking each other’s languages, our relationship is better and we have started learning how to speak the languages of not only our children better but also of our friends and other families. 

I use it for clients as well.  As we get to know them on a more personal basis, there are some that “need” that handshake every time we say hi and bye. And others that really need to hear how much we appreciate them. Others need me to drop a pin every time I swing by. And some that really appreciate it when I drop by for no reason other than to chat.

You get the point. Love languages are not just for married people. They will help you understand everyone better and improve your relationships across the board.

In Case you’re interested, the nonprofit God First Life’s bringing Gary Chapman to Durango Colorado on April 8th and 9th for a seminar.  To find out more visit their website www.GodFirstLifeNext.org

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